Part 1...June slips in on the heels of May, and quite suddenly amidst graduations, end of the school year and travel plans, we are plunked into the deep end of summer!  When the timing of this letter coincided with Independence Day, I recalled this simple, yet enticingly profound quote from the famous poet, Robert Frost. 
                                   Freedom lies in being bold.  

In this season of warmth, restful replenishment and restorative deep breaths, sand between toes and mounds of watermelon to be consumed, “being bold” really doesn’t seem to match the lazy, hazy days of summer.  With kids out of school, we exercise our freedom of sleeping in, loosening the schedule and enjoying life without a stopwatch of “where to next!”  We are free to read that book collecting dust on the nightstand, free to eat frozen yogurt for dinner, free to let the kids wear the same shorts and flip flops day in and day out and free to indulge in a Netflix series, or two J. Summer is a wonderful opportunity to feel the splendid relief of checking “R and R” off your “to be” list.   So go ahead, enjoy scheduling freedoms AND begin to set your sight on being very bold, as this next half of the year awaits and unfolds. 

Loving to interpret another dimension of the concept of freedom and being bold, and at the risk of embellishing Frost’s poetic intention, let’s consider delving into the heart of “emotional” freedom. While exploring this concept of “emotional freedom” with a client recently, I asked her what she would feel like if her inner world was not plagued by guilt and shame.  Without pausing, she calmly replied “I would feel free.”  Yes, she captured it.  Emotional freedom is being relieved of guilt, shame and self-remorse and experiencing contentment and appreciation.  When we frequently struggle with feelings of anger, despair and sadness we are imprisoned.  We become restricted and enslaved in our habits of passivity, fear, clinging to what is the “norm” and believing there is no way out?  How do we break free of self defeating patterns such as the heaviness of shame, the digested pain of guilt and the simmering resentment of being misunderstood or overburdened? 

Stay tuned for Part 2... 

New Year…Welcome 2014

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year.  It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes.  Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions.  Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.  ~G.K. Chesterton      

 

As we gaze out upon the landscape of the New Year, this quotation stimulates some intriguing contemplation.  Instead of it simply being the start of another calendar filled with 365 days, is the purpose of the “New” year to make ourselves “New?”  Can the birth of this year bring about a “new” way of sensing our lives, interacting with others and experiencing our decisions? 

Last year, as I welcomed 2013 in this annual letter, I wrote about “potential” and moving from defining ourselves based on our flaws, but rather seizing the opportunity to realize our possibilities.  The message in the 2014 letter expands this idea…not merely to consider your possibilities, but practice NEW ways of living, sensing and being in your life. 

It is easy to be comfortably entrenched in the sameness of how we feel, and manage, our daily lives.  We may pass the ocean on our way to get groceries without smelling the salty air or marveling at the enormity of the sea.  There doesn’t seem to be much time to smell the roses (or the salt) nor stare at the waves crashing against the sand due to multiple “moving parts” we keep in motion: kids, sports, meals, career, households, tending to aging parents, etc.  If we sense anything, it is how exhausted our souls, hearts, minds and yes, even feet, can become. 

What if this IS the year of starting afresh?  A renewed soul to experience gratitude, a revitalized nose to breathe deeply, energized feet to move differently, widening our vision to see clearly, opening our ears to listen more closely and strengthening our backbones to face challenges we may have been avoiding.

As you consider personal goal setting, take a moment to focus on one, or more, of these areas to be renewed and start afresh.  For example, if you have been struggling with stating the truth to someone in your life, is the goal to explore how to strengthen your backbone?  If you have been lonely for a loving relationship, is the goal to open your eyes, and heart, to see other dimensions of possible mates?  And if you have been feeling mundane and without challenge, is the goal to set your feet on a new path? 

Here’s sending you wishes for a year filled with refreshing the senses, taking leaps with new feet, empowered backbones and renewed fulfillment of hearts and souls.    

The Beauty of Your Story

I find absolute calm when I step on the beach and walk to the water's edge.  I did just that late yesterday afternoon and marveled at nature's transformation.  No longer were the waves filled with laughing children, boogie boards or beach towels colorfully scattered on the sand.  The air was crisp, the marine drape masked the sun and a few random folks were enjoying an autumn stroll. 

I gingerly picked up this pristine shell, no holes or wrinkles, smooth and unbroken.  Laying right next to it, I scooped up this fossil like rock, textured and weathered.  I carried one in each hand and pondered what story each could share? What had each experienced during their seasons at sea?  

With its eroded tunnels and sea life imprints, the rock gave me pause for imagining all sorts of grand tales.  Was it a fragment from a dwelling in the lost city of Atlantis? Or perhaps had spent thousands of years sharing salty terrain with a family of sea turtles off the North Shore of Oahu? 

The shell seemed to not have been penetrated by time, risky geography or nautical battlefields. Bits had not been severed and its simple beauty reminded me of a charmed, maybe even protected life. 

Aren't we much like these treasures from the sea?  So often we put the effort into the appearance of the shell; perfect, in tact, unaffected by the rough seas of our lives.  When in fact, we are the rock.  We have holes in our hearts, we have imprints on our souls.  Yet, what if beauty was measured in the intricacy and strength of the rock? What if self worth, your value, came from not perfecting your shell but instead, treasuring your true self, your story with all of its erosions and blemishes?   

Be the RAVE...

What exactly does being brave mean?  As you know, I LOVE to play with words, and the word RAVE exists within the word "brave."  Well, that got me thinking.  We need to rave about when we are brave.  Doing what we think we cannot do and then DOING it, well that is something to holler from the rooftops and proclaim to the world, "I am BRAVE!" 

Exploring being brave means we face what we fear.  I romantically imagine my Irish ancestors as being fearless.  Living through the 16th and 17th centuries, the famine and battles for power and land.  In Irish Gaelic speak, what do you think "nios fearr" means?  Like myself, you probably went to "no fear."  The Irish are wise, "nios fearr" doesn't mean "no fear" it is translated as "better off."  I bet it came from the old Celtic warriors, who took a final swig of their ale and said “Me lads and lassies, we’re better off dead than sitting here like scared ducks.”  And away they went to conquer more hillsides and moors. 

The core of most therapeutic work comes down to facing our feelings of being less than capable of doing something.  In other words, being able to be brave enough to take a leap into what we assume we cannot do.  Many women admit they fear being alone, not being loved, being rejected or abandoned and fear not being good enough.  Navigating our way through the rough seas of fear can be terrifying.  Yet, it is not about the absence of feeling fear, it is determining that you will be better off if you do what is best, what is right and true, for you.

Sail away Pirate Sister, and go ahead, RAVE about being BRAVE! 

What is a Pirate Sister?

Purposefully 
Initiate
Risks...
Achieving
Treasured 
Essence


What are the qualifications to become a Pirate Sister? First, you have to be female.  Next, you must have a strong, powerful desire to go in search of your unique value. And then, you must be willing to be uncomfortable, face fears and dig deep to find your treasured self, relationships, passion, place and purpose.  To be a Pirate Sister, requires you make a fierce and lasting decision to follow the instinctive tugs on your heart, mind and soul to become more than you have been. 

A Pirate Sister learns how to be brave, very brave.  She is steadfast in her determination to risk turbulent seas of past hurts and to endure storms of conflict and change. Being rigid and inflexible will send her overboard.  Stretching to take ownership of navigating her life, empowers the Pirate Sister against inclement or unforeseen events and outcomes.

Dancing in front of the mirror, holding a hairbrush microphone...Doodling on every notebook in high school...Creating mystical characters for an English essay...Concocting new food combinations for friends to sample...Finishing a course of study...Designing your fantasy wardrobe from scraps of material...Collecting stray animals in your neighborhood...Painting on bedroom walls...Learning a trade...Completing a literary work...

These are some examples of treasures buried, maybe even lost and forgotten, yet waiting to be found when you decide to embark on your journey as a Pirate Sister.  Digging to capture the essence of your creative passions, wishes and talents either neglected or long forgotten in the overgrowth of time, responsibilities and caretaking others.

Hmmm, by reading this you are curious about the journey. Now comes the decision:  Ignore the invitation to set sail? Stand on the dock and contemplate the voyage? Or board the ship and see where the winds of change carry you? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Throw off the bowlines...and discover YOU!

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.                                                      Mark Twain

With each season, I find myself baffled by the passage of time.  I shake my head and say “I can’t believe it is June already!” Many chime in their disbelief, recognizing the rapid ticking of our precious life moments.  Where did the last six months go?  In fact, where did those twenty years go? 

Being a Pisces, I adore water.  From chlorine to sea salt, I can float, body board, dive and splash filling my heart with contented aqua bliss.  As I clicked on quotes to capture this seasonal message, Mark Twain’s philosophical whimsy jumped off the page and sailed right up to me. I admit having to look up the definition of “bowline” and I was quite satisfied with the meaning and how it lent itself to this letter.  A bowline is “a rope used to keep the edge of a sail pulled forward and taut; a knot used for making a loop that will not slip.” (Webster Dictionary) 

A client was caught in knots of stress and limitations. Her stiff, unwavering sails were harshly directed toward “woe is me” as she struggled with unemployment and financial demands.  She compared her circumstance to friends she thought were sailing more smoothly in life. She was stuck on the “deprivation” skiff, and was irritated, fatigued and lamenting the lack of possibilities or progress.  She needed to throw off the bowline! I asked her to imagine sailing from a place of constraining disappointment to exploring her options and from there, dreaming up her desires and discovering how to create experiences. 

Can this summer be the season of loosening the knots of irritation, regret, and distraction? Often, we cling to the familiarity of sailing only in the same fashion as we have always done.  What if you were to “throw off” your knots, leave what is “safe and familiar” and sail toward a different goal or direction?

You see, when we explore rather than lament and dream rather than deteriorate, we relax the emotional strain and begin to discover new ways of experiencing relationships and events.  

Imagine loosening up the predictability of your tension and replacing it with spontaneous creativity, musings and explorations which carry you in a colorful, new direction…now that is not disappointing, that is living!

Explore what you would like to discover more of this summer.  What about more laughter? Golden sunsets?  Family time playing games or taking walks? Home projects with an ice cream sundae as the reward?  More turning the music up and dancing!  When we realize we have bountiful options for our EXPERIENCES, then we are discovering  how rich and plentiful the journey can be.   

 

New Year…Welcome 2013
We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. Ellen Goodman
   

There is a stationary store in a local beachside town which is far too “old school” to have a surveillance camera.  Yet, if it did, it would document my annual visit in early December.  That’s right, once a year I visit this shop to make a solitary purchase; my appointment calendar.  I often contemplate going “digital”, yet every year I find myself strolling into the store and admiring the pristine, fresh pages anticipating plans, schedules and events for a new year.  I am pleasantly “old school” when it comes to pencil and paper scheduling and the tactile satisfaction of holding my “real” calendar.      

Now, sitting at my desk, I have placed the “old” and “new” side by side on my desk.   One is clearly worn, even a bit scrappy with a wrinkled cover and weathered pages with hundreds of scribbles, names, notations, earmarked corners and plenty of experiences documented in shorthand to commemorate 365 days of work, play, chores, joys and challenges.  The other is shiny, with a smooth unblemished cover, crisp white pages comprising an eager canvas awaiting the colors, landscapes, characters and story of the next 365 days.  One book holds the tale of life lived, the other holds POTENTIAL.

This opening quotation cleverly captures the dilemma in personal counseling.  So often, the focus on psychotherapy is on those “flawed” life situations; betrayal of trust in a marriage, financial distress, our less than perfect bodies and attitudes and challenges in overcoming the “flaws” of our childhood.   Maybe, as this quote suggests, the focus needs to shift to “potential.” 

As many of you know, I love definitions.  In taking a peek at the definition of the word “potential” here is its extrapolation: Capable of development into actuality.  WOW, what a fantastic New Year’s motto, “I am capable of developing my dream, plan, attitude and ideas into actuality!”  This fresh, blank calendar book is anticipating stunning, spectacular potential to fill each day, each page of your life, with capabilities of making your dreams come true!

In working with clients over the past 20 years, I am in awe of how the human spirit is CAPABLE of dealing with the “flaws” of life.  Hope in the midst of adversity, healing after heartbreak and insight from loss. So many of my clients find the path to contentment and confidence is through identifying their POTENTIAL, the ability to apply courage, determination and inspiration to develop their greatest self.  As you embark on each page of this New Year, consider your capabilities.  Your strengths, your wisdom attained from life experiences and your creative desires.  Make this a year of diminished flaw seeking and monumental potential building! 

 

COMFORT ZONE 101

As this is the third installment of the Monday, Comfort Zone series, we have ventured into creating comfort in our own corner of the world, our homes.  We have explored what makes for comfort in a friendship.  Today, I want to consider the term "comfortable in our own skin."  Can we ever really be at ease, content with our own body, mind and spirit? 

In my office, there is a exquisitely simple quote from an ancient Greek philosopher.  "What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself."  Libraries are stock full of psychological heavyweights, diagnostic inquiries and volumes of treatment approaches for everything from seasonal depression to generalized anxiety.  Yet, being comfortable with the mind, body and essence we each possess is a life long challenge.  When clients land on the therapeutic couch in my office, they are usually NOT sharing the joys of their bodies, minds or emotions. 

I love Adele's music, from "Chasing Pavement" to the new James Bond film's title song, Adele's voice resonates lasting substance and magical melodies which have made her a worldwide favorite.  I love this quote about "comfort in her own skin." 

I like looking nice, but I always put comfort over fashion. I don't find thin girls attractive; be happy and healthy. I've never had a problem with the way I look. I'd rather have lunch with my friends than go to a gym.
Adele

I  love that Adele grabs the heart of her own "comfort" not in what is "in" but rather what creates happiness and health for her!  Being comfortable in your own skin, is knowing more and more about the details of what makes you happy!  I know, seems so elementary, dear Watson.  But hey, if walking at the beach makes you happy, then my guess is WHEN you are walking at the beach, you are feeling a bit more comfortable in your own skin.  If giggling with friends makes you feel alive, loved and special, then WHEN you are doing just that, you are comfortable in your own emotions.

Deciding what makes you happy most definitely will contribute to your contentment.  It is truly a circular process, doing more of what makes you happy, allows you to feel more comfortable in your own life, which enhances your emotional, and physical, health. 



   

COMFORT ZONE 101

I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.  Katherine Mansfield

What is the comfort zone in a friendship?  Is it being able to have gaps of months or years, and when you finally get together, feel as if time stood still?  Is it revealing your anguish in life and relying on their sillence to protect your vulnerability?  Is it expecting the friend to challenge you, honestly confront decisions and apply pressure for you to "shape up?"  Is true comfort in a friendship rather  about being uncomfortable as we clarify our expecations of what makes for a good, or great, friendship? 

The above quote, for example, claims true comfort and value is found in the friendship where explanations are unnecessary. A silent, steadfast gossamer thread of acceptance woven between two  friends.  The art of equally yoked friendships, where both people feel appreciated and understood, takes years to master. 

Often friendships can go sideways, with one feeling more responsible for maintaining the connection than the other. Friendships can become laden with comparing who is depositing the most time, honesty and/or energy into the "buddy" account.  Other friendships get lopsided with uneven disclosure, one friend telling all and the other listening to all.

Years ago, I had an encounter with a friend which I think sheds some light on the comfort versus discomfort scale in friendship. Our lives were going through some changes, and I asked her about how she saw our kids being able to stay connected as they were going to different schools. She quite matter of factly responded with "We have alot of friends and so we probably won't be staying in touch." Of course, from first glace at this, I am sure your reaction was much like mine, "humph, how rude!" Yet, guess what? When considering friendship comfort zones, I realize she may have been alot more comfortable than I was in believing she could be honest about her own limitations as well as not make promises she anticipated not being able to keep.  No explanations, just simple fact and truth. 

Speaking the truth about expectations may result in redefining the kind of friendship you have with someone.  There is always the risk of losing a friend who needs more of your attention than you can give during a particular chapter in your life.  Friendships are fluid, at times overlapping in similar phases of life, and then drifting due to being in very contrasting life circumstances.  Anyway you shake it out, friends are worth the effort, and to reach a point in a friendship needing no explanation, means to have explored expectations, come to a mutual understanding of each others needs, and if both agree, then you can simply "BE" in the comfort zone of that friendship. 

Join in next week, Monday, October 15th, for the third Monday in the Comfort Zone 101 series. 

COMFORT ZONE 101

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. Jane Austen

 “Home sweet home”, “There’s no place like home” and “Home is where the heart is.”    Bustling about in the world, going to and fro, bouncing between texts, emails, appointments and obligations, what does it feel like to open the door of your home?  Is it a magical sanctuary, a pristine abode of calm and real comfort?  Hmmm, I don’t think so.   

 

 Let’s face it.  There are piles of “have to dos” at home, much like dragons, when we open the door, they shoot their flames at us in the form of laundry, clutter, dishes, cleaning, meal prep, homework checks, shall I go on?  There is a wall of these flames, continually challenging us to extinguish the chores before the next one sparks up!  As women, we assume we must slay every demand before we can reward ourselves with comfort.  Well, here's where change starts.  Can you decide, if only for today, to find comfort in the midst of too much to do?

Build in a "transition" time when you arrive home. This is approximately 10-20 minutes when you change clothes, wash your face, take 5 deep breaths in and release, and share a bit of love - hug the dog, kids, man...whoever is close by. Having this contact will release stress reducing hormones and allow you to feel a sense of ease as you continue to focus on what needs to be done.
 

I have a wicker rocking chair, with plush cushions, situated near a corner window in my bedroom.  Because of its location, no one in the family ever sits in this spot other than me.  At times, I sneak away to this corner, sit, rock, look out the window and take comfort in this secret “favorite” place.  Pick a place in the house, or outside in the yard, and don’t tell a soul it is yours.   Simply by having this secret spot to call your own, you always have it available to access for comfort.  You have quietly made a location a “comfort zone”, and it is now forever yours.  Here are a few more comfort zone contributors: 

Take a bath during the day, when house is quiet, it can be another little sweet secret of yours.
 

Meet your senses with comforts. Find the music that speaks to you and have it easily available to play when you get home. 

Buy yourself a yummy scented candle and have it burning during the day. If you have a favorite painting, poster, artwork, make sure it is positioned on a wall you frequently look at. 

Invest in fuzzy socks, cold feet are not comfortable. Have a bowl of dark chocolate kisses in your bathroom. 

Here's to creating more moments of "real comfort" in your home and within your heart.  

COMFORT ZONE 101

Self Bling Blog Series

Every Monday in October! 

Yes, there is an unmistakable "hint of autumn" in the air.  The school year is back in full swing, and of course future holiday items are being stocked and beckon us to Halloween, Thanksgiving and beyond!  Summer has officially faded away, the boogie board is stored a bit deeper in the garage pile as we pull out boxes of decorations. 

While in Trader Joe's the other day (one of my favorite stops for "a few things" morphs into a supply shed of "must haves") there was a flurry of "yums" coming from the food sample booth at the back corner of the store.  When I approached, the yum hum was associated with a creamy pasta dish.  "This is such perfect comfort food" said the sales gal.  With that, I started to percolate the concept of comfort.  When do we seek comfort?  What really comforts us?  What is it about comfort food? And are comfort zones healthy or keeping us stuck?   

The idea of "comfort" really poses a strange duality...an emotinal tug-o-war.  On the one hand, comfort is what we seek when we are heartbroken, scared, lonely and distressed.  We rely on close loved ones and trusted friends to hear our pain, wipe our tears and help us carry a burden.  On the other hand, the majority of personal change is focused on being less heartbroken, scared, lonely and distressed by leaving OUR COMFORT ZONE!  Wow, now THAT is confusing!  Is comfort good or not so good?  If we crave too much comfort, are we opposed to risk?  If we get too comfortable, do we lose the edge on being all we can be?  And what about others?  Who do we seek comfort from?  And most importantly, how DO we create an internal comfort zone? 

Watch for the first of five "Comfort Zone 101" entries, coming Monday, October 1st.

 

“There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.”

                                      Celia Thaxter

During the past week as I wake up,  I remember it is summer and I can’t help but start to grin.  No longer jumping out of bed racing to make lunches, spin loads of laundry and yell from the garage “We’re going to be late for school!”   It is the “Gone with the Wind” time of year accompanied by the deliberate and quite welcomed privilege of simply saying “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” 

Summer means dusting off the outdoor cushions and planting brightly colored flowers that, if lucky, will survive through Labor Day.   Summer is deciding to head to a Padres game, just to be able to eat a guilt-free hotdog, because it is what you “must do” to keep face as a true baseball fan!  Summer is a lovely balance of “let’s stay up late” with “let’s just relax.”  Yes, I find summer brings a very grateful heart indeed.  

My old friend Webster’s Dictionary describes “grateful” as “pleasing by reason of comfort supplied or discomfort alleviated.”  Consider the implication of this; being grateful is directly related to receiving comfort as well as decreasing discomfort, or distress.   Grateful = Comfort       

Often during the therapy session, we explore the necessity of “soothing” oneself, tapping into an internal dialogue to offer comfort to emotional hurts.  When exploring this concept a client said “Oh, I have to have my own comfort zone.”  Yes, exactly!   When faced with disappointment, frustration, grief, betrayal, fatigue or stress, accessing internal tools to calm and ease our distress is a fundamental ingredient in healing.  Bringing comfort into your heart has a wonderful secondary gain…gratitude.  One leads to the other, and it is a beautiful circular process of gaining calm and healing.

Summer Hearts and Toes!

I am apt to do some wistful musings when standing at the doorway of summer.   I peek into July and August and anticipate weeks filled with more sunshine, ice cream, spontaneous “get up and go” activities and time spent with the loves of my life; family, friends, body boarding and creative endeavors.  Yes, I eat up summer as a hearty helping of uninterrupted time, savoring each sunbeam and digesting each day of playfulness and relaxation.  

 “Summer is where the girls go barefoot and their hearts are just as free as their toes." 

Doesn’t that just get your toes wiggling?  As you reflect on your therapeutic work, isn’t one of the goals to set your heart free?  By working diligently to release bitterness, betrayal, shame and self-doubt you begin to fill your heart with peace, mindfulness, acceptance and clarity.   This requires a steadfast belief of being entitled to be loved, safe and well.  Having a a “free” heart is the opposite of a “heavy” heart.   And heavy hearts are usually burdened by guilt.

So often, my clients say that if they follow their “heart”, they feel “guilty.”  They cannot feel free to do what they are called to do, as it might hurt someone’s feelings, let someone down or create conflict.  A “free” heart isn’t ruled by what others will say or do, a “free” heart is just that, at liberty to follow its truth.  When your heart is encumbered by guilt or regret, it is not free…it is imprisoned.  To set your heart free is to continue to shed the heaviness of guilt and loss, and to actively embrace a “free” heart.

Set your heart free by enjoying the warmth, rest and restoration of these summer moments!

A Fine Balance...Motherhood

What to say on this Mother's Day?  I find myself scrambling for something a bit profound, yet light.  Moving, but not too staggering.  Sensitive, without being trite.  And then it hit me, isn't that what we as "moms" do all the time?  Try to find just the right balance? 

Loving without spoiling.  Working without letting it consume us.  Setting boundaries while indulging in hugs.  Dispensing wisdom and then watching "Sponge Bob."  As moms, we are constantly challenged, walking the tightrope of what is "too much" versus "too little."  Too much attention to safety, makes us "helicopter" moms, and yet having our kids drink soda can make us "lazy moms."  Supporting our kids in sports can make us "pushy moms" while letting our kids back out of an activity they don't like can make us "pushover moms." 

Yes, walking this tightrope can become very trying...but there is a way to jump off.  Decide that the balance is not between you and how the world views you as a parent.  The balance is how you view yourself and your child.  Trust in knowing your child's heart and mind and let them know yours.  Create safety but not  suffocation, expectations more than dictates and praise sprinkled with humility.  This is a nice start to a very fine balance, indeed. 

Seeds of Renewal

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or
catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."
Dawna Markova  Author of Open Mind. 

Have you noticed that the earth is being painted?  Entire offramps are now covered in white, floral carpets and what was just a dull landscape yesterday is now a colorful parade of dancing yellow, orange and purple pedals!  The seeds embedded during winter are awakening, stretching their leafy arms and lifting their proud, vibrant heads as if to say "I am here!  Look at me, I am alive!"  

 Take a moment today, this week, to spot some of these seeds coming to life.  Take in the splendor of their unique color, shape and purpose.  And then, consider your own "awakening", what has been taking seed, stretching and longing to come to the surface?  What activity, plan, effort, idea or dream has been buried during the winter, and now is waiting to break through?  What will it take to stretch away from "I don't have time" or "I am afraid of failing" and let your heart blossom into new shades of possibilities?  And with every galant, vibrant step toward the renewed you, smile knowingly..."I am here!  Look at me, I am alive!"     

Squeeze your eyes shut, to your de-LIGHT!

When I was a child, I remember squeezing my eyes shut really tight, and trying desperately to envision the inside of my eyelids.  Night after night, I would make my room as dark as possible, no light creeping in under the door or at the periphery of the curtains  I was sure there was a magical set of images that I could capture, if I went beyond the darkness.  Sharp, shadowy sparks would dance in my minds eye, and I was sure I had discovered some mystical phenomenon that allowed the brain to generate amazing visual messages.    

Getting through tough times is much like trying to find shape, substance and yes, even beauty, from the darkness.  Recently, a young female client captured her isolation and sadness in the midst of dealing with the betrayal of a loved one as she said "I was in a dark, dark place.  And now, slowly but surely, there is a bit of light and I am going to keep moving toward it." 

What courage and determination to be willing to revisit emotionally staggering pain, find peace with relationship injustices and shore up for the reconstruction of one's heart.  Conquering the darkness is not about waiting for someone, or something, to turn on a light.  No, it is your own ability to squeeze very tightly, fiercely determined to see past what is no more.  We need to take heed of the darkness, but instead of being stuck in it, push through it, squeeze tightly and we can literally create light, sparks of energy igniting our power to heal and see things differently. 

Foolish Smiles

I love April Fools Day.  I scheme up lighthearted ways to pull a few silly pranks before everyone has had their coffee.  I usually have success until about 9 a.m. and then everyone is the wiser.  Since the window of "foolin' opportunity" is a short one, I have another idea for shedding a bit of "foolery" all day long...smile. 

The spirit of April Fools Day is laughter, joke playing and spontaneous "gotcha!"  Yet, why not keep this spirit going?  Who said we have to wait for a joke to laugh?  Where is it deemed "inappropriate" to smile even if there is no real reason to do so?  The most authentic foolishness is unprovoked and without a specific date assigned.  To smile at a stranger, brings an immediate "welcome" from you to them.  Infant studies have shown that we thrive in our development when noting a smile on the faces of our caretakers.  And, is there anything more precious and inspiring than to see a baby give you the ultimate gift of their toothless grin?

Bring out the fool in you today, perhaps not through savoring an elaborate prank or fooling anyone with a casual fib, but rather by foolishly sharing smiles everywhere you go.  Remember that song "Smile" sung by many, but I remember Nat King Cole's lilting voice...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Happy Foolishly Just Smiling Day! 

What is Luck? 

March has certainly brought chilly gusts of wind and rain.  These rains seem to be hinting that any day now, the colors of Spring will be exploding on our winter canvas.  Before March gets washed away in the blooms of April, it is worth mentioning something about this very "top of the mornin'" green month. 

March always makes me think about "luck."  Who is lucky and why?  How is one person lucky and the next person considered "unlucky?"  And, when browsing through quotes on "luck" the topic is highly debated.  Some say luck is where ability and opportunity meet.  Others say that luck is elusive, coming and going.  And still others explore luck as a characteristic that some are fortunate to possess, and other sorry sods are not. 

One that stuck with me is this, by a not so Irish author, but rather a Japanese philosopher; "The day you decide to do it is your lucky day."  Which begs the question, will you make TODAY your lucky day?  And what will you DECIDE to do?  When we pair "decision" with "today", we can feel very lucky to be feeling the power of our own choice and the gratefulness of being here, in this moment.  Go ahead, get LUCKY! 

Live on In Love...

Last week was Valentine's Day.  My son and I love listening to Madison on KPRI in the morning.  His welcoming voice makes me feel like a true San Diego native.  Always sharing interesting tidbits, on Feb. 14th he proclaimed that 51% of the men would be buying flowers, chocolates or trinkets after 5 p.m. on Valentine's Day.  I thought of all those anxious men, racing around, honking horns and madly pillaging local shops for the remaining boxes of candy.  I wondered if any of those men had heard the suggestion Madison made after that statistic.  "Why not just write a love letter?"  I smiled and realized that along with being a great music spinner, this guy would make a good therapist. 

The more we are loved, the less we want, crave or need a day to remind others to "love" us.  And the more we love our relationships, love our work, our attributes and our choices, then we live "in love" everyday. 

Loving oneself has nothing to do with looking in a mirror and doing the old "I love me" exercise.  To be kind and compassionate with oneself, is to live "in love."  To recognize the uniqueness of your personality, experiences and lessons learned is to live "in love" with your life.  To remember what is yours to manage, guide and maintain is to live "in love" with personal growth and ownership.

Happy February to everyone, here's to living "in love" every day of the year! 

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

Welcome to this, my very own blog; a way of sharing insights, ramblings, poetic diversions, laugh out loud tidbits and ah-hah moments.  What better way to ring in a New Year than to raise the curtain on this, an intriguing word dance, my own literary orchestra, dedicated to helping all brave Pirate Sisters, explore, excavate, unlock and polish up the most sparkling treasure...true Self-Bling.

Tattered, smudged, stained and lacking luster…that describes my 2010 appointment book.  It tells the story of the coffee I spilled, birthdays rejoiced, events cataloguing parenting, marriage, friendship and family, hundreds of hours spent with clients, notes to self and highlights of the months departed.  Yes, at this stage of the year, this is a well worn diary of what “was.”  The replacement sits shiny, crisp and at the ready, waiting to be embraced, utilized and made valuable by what will fill it up and define this New Year.

We may feel a bit tattered and stained from life’s experiences.  It is January’s “call to arms” to decide, with determination and focus, how we will heal what is torn, strengthen what is fragile and restore hope and possibility.  In order to meet this challenge of the “New Year” we are asked to “let go” of what has burdened us and honestly evaluate desires.  To meet goals head on January 1^st asks this of us…make peace with our heart, stimulate our mind and fiercely fight to break those patterns that limit and frustrate us.    

The New Year brings shiny potential, crisp beginnings and wisdom gained from the gratitude of what has come before.  As you open the pages on 2011, allow yourself to savor the memory of lessons learned and journeys ventured, that even though a bit tired, perhaps bearing a few more wrinkles, your commitment to finding your treasure and brandishing it proudly is propelling you forward, landing in this New Year ringing in your truth.