Summer Hearts and Toes!

I am apt to do some wistful musings when standing at the doorway of summer.   I peek into July and August and anticipate weeks filled with more sunshine, ice cream, spontaneous “get up and go” activities and time spent with the loves of my life; family, friends, body boarding and creative endeavors.  Yes, I eat up summer as a hearty helping of uninterrupted time, savoring each sunbeam and digesting each day of playfulness and relaxation.  

 “Summer is where the girls go barefoot and their hearts are just as free as their toes." 

Doesn’t that just get your toes wiggling?  As you reflect on your therapeutic work, isn’t one of the goals to set your heart free?  By working diligently to release bitterness, betrayal, shame and self-doubt you begin to fill your heart with peace, mindfulness, acceptance and clarity.   This requires a steadfast belief of being entitled to be loved, safe and well.  Having a a “free” heart is the opposite of a “heavy” heart.   And heavy hearts are usually burdened by guilt.

So often, my clients say that if they follow their “heart”, they feel “guilty.”  They cannot feel free to do what they are called to do, as it might hurt someone’s feelings, let someone down or create conflict.  A “free” heart isn’t ruled by what others will say or do, a “free” heart is just that, at liberty to follow its truth.  When your heart is encumbered by guilt or regret, it is not free…it is imprisoned.  To set your heart free is to continue to shed the heaviness of guilt and loss, and to actively embrace a “free” heart.

Set your heart free by enjoying the warmth, rest and restoration of these summer moments!

A Fine Balance...Motherhood

What to say on this Mother's Day?  I find myself scrambling for something a bit profound, yet light.  Moving, but not too staggering.  Sensitive, without being trite.  And then it hit me, isn't that what we as "moms" do all the time?  Try to find just the right balance? 

Loving without spoiling.  Working without letting it consume us.  Setting boundaries while indulging in hugs.  Dispensing wisdom and then watching "Sponge Bob."  As moms, we are constantly challenged, walking the tightrope of what is "too much" versus "too little."  Too much attention to safety, makes us "helicopter" moms, and yet having our kids drink soda can make us "lazy moms."  Supporting our kids in sports can make us "pushy moms" while letting our kids back out of an activity they don't like can make us "pushover moms." 

Yes, walking this tightrope can become very trying...but there is a way to jump off.  Decide that the balance is not between you and how the world views you as a parent.  The balance is how you view yourself and your child.  Trust in knowing your child's heart and mind and let them know yours.  Create safety but not  suffocation, expectations more than dictates and praise sprinkled with humility.  This is a nice start to a very fine balance, indeed. 

Seeds of Renewal

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or
catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."
Dawna Markova  Author of Open Mind. 

Have you noticed that the earth is being painted?  Entire offramps are now covered in white, floral carpets and what was just a dull landscape yesterday is now a colorful parade of dancing yellow, orange and purple pedals!  The seeds embedded during winter are awakening, stretching their leafy arms and lifting their proud, vibrant heads as if to say "I am here!  Look at me, I am alive!"  

 Take a moment today, this week, to spot some of these seeds coming to life.  Take in the splendor of their unique color, shape and purpose.  And then, consider your own "awakening", what has been taking seed, stretching and longing to come to the surface?  What activity, plan, effort, idea or dream has been buried during the winter, and now is waiting to break through?  What will it take to stretch away from "I don't have time" or "I am afraid of failing" and let your heart blossom into new shades of possibilities?  And with every galant, vibrant step toward the renewed you, smile knowingly..."I am here!  Look at me, I am alive!"     

Squeeze your eyes shut, to your de-LIGHT!

When I was a child, I remember squeezing my eyes shut really tight, and trying desperately to envision the inside of my eyelids.  Night after night, I would make my room as dark as possible, no light creeping in under the door or at the periphery of the curtains  I was sure there was a magical set of images that I could capture, if I went beyond the darkness.  Sharp, shadowy sparks would dance in my minds eye, and I was sure I had discovered some mystical phenomenon that allowed the brain to generate amazing visual messages.    

Getting through tough times is much like trying to find shape, substance and yes, even beauty, from the darkness.  Recently, a young female client captured her isolation and sadness in the midst of dealing with the betrayal of a loved one as she said "I was in a dark, dark place.  And now, slowly but surely, there is a bit of light and I am going to keep moving toward it." 

What courage and determination to be willing to revisit emotionally staggering pain, find peace with relationship injustices and shore up for the reconstruction of one's heart.  Conquering the darkness is not about waiting for someone, or something, to turn on a light.  No, it is your own ability to squeeze very tightly, fiercely determined to see past what is no more.  We need to take heed of the darkness, but instead of being stuck in it, push through it, squeeze tightly and we can literally create light, sparks of energy igniting our power to heal and see things differently. 

Foolish Smiles

I love April Fools Day.  I scheme up lighthearted ways to pull a few silly pranks before everyone has had their coffee.  I usually have success until about 9 a.m. and then everyone is the wiser.  Since the window of "foolin' opportunity" is a short one, I have another idea for shedding a bit of "foolery" all day long...smile. 

The spirit of April Fools Day is laughter, joke playing and spontaneous "gotcha!"  Yet, why not keep this spirit going?  Who said we have to wait for a joke to laugh?  Where is it deemed "inappropriate" to smile even if there is no real reason to do so?  The most authentic foolishness is unprovoked and without a specific date assigned.  To smile at a stranger, brings an immediate "welcome" from you to them.  Infant studies have shown that we thrive in our development when noting a smile on the faces of our caretakers.  And, is there anything more precious and inspiring than to see a baby give you the ultimate gift of their toothless grin?

Bring out the fool in you today, perhaps not through savoring an elaborate prank or fooling anyone with a casual fib, but rather by foolishly sharing smiles everywhere you go.  Remember that song "Smile" sung by many, but I remember Nat King Cole's lilting voice...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Happy Foolishly Just Smiling Day! 

What is Luck? 

March has certainly brought chilly gusts of wind and rain.  These rains seem to be hinting that any day now, the colors of Spring will be exploding on our winter canvas.  Before March gets washed away in the blooms of April, it is worth mentioning something about this very "top of the mornin'" green month. 

March always makes me think about "luck."  Who is lucky and why?  How is one person lucky and the next person considered "unlucky?"  And, when browsing through quotes on "luck" the topic is highly debated.  Some say luck is where ability and opportunity meet.  Others say that luck is elusive, coming and going.  And still others explore luck as a characteristic that some are fortunate to possess, and other sorry sods are not. 

One that stuck with me is this, by a not so Irish author, but rather a Japanese philosopher; "The day you decide to do it is your lucky day."  Which begs the question, will you make TODAY your lucky day?  And what will you DECIDE to do?  When we pair "decision" with "today", we can feel very lucky to be feeling the power of our own choice and the gratefulness of being here, in this moment.  Go ahead, get LUCKY! 

Live on In Love...

Last week was Valentine's Day.  My son and I love listening to Madison on KPRI in the morning.  His welcoming voice makes me feel like a true San Diego native.  Always sharing interesting tidbits, on Feb. 14th he proclaimed that 51% of the men would be buying flowers, chocolates or trinkets after 5 p.m. on Valentine's Day.  I thought of all those anxious men, racing around, honking horns and madly pillaging local shops for the remaining boxes of candy.  I wondered if any of those men had heard the suggestion Madison made after that statistic.  "Why not just write a love letter?"  I smiled and realized that along with being a great music spinner, this guy would make a good therapist. 

The more we are loved, the less we want, crave or need a day to remind others to "love" us.  And the more we love our relationships, love our work, our attributes and our choices, then we live "in love" everyday. 

Loving oneself has nothing to do with looking in a mirror and doing the old "I love me" exercise.  To be kind and compassionate with oneself, is to live "in love."  To recognize the uniqueness of your personality, experiences and lessons learned is to live "in love" with your life.  To remember what is yours to manage, guide and maintain is to live "in love" with personal growth and ownership.

Happy February to everyone, here's to living "in love" every day of the year! 

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

Welcome to this, my very own blog; a way of sharing insights, ramblings, poetic diversions, laugh out loud tidbits and ah-hah moments.  What better way to ring in a New Year than to raise the curtain on this, an intriguing word dance, my own literary orchestra, dedicated to helping all brave Pirate Sisters, explore, excavate, unlock and polish up the most sparkling treasure...true Self-Bling.

Tattered, smudged, stained and lacking luster…that describes my 2010 appointment book.  It tells the story of the coffee I spilled, birthdays rejoiced, events cataloguing parenting, marriage, friendship and family, hundreds of hours spent with clients, notes to self and highlights of the months departed.  Yes, at this stage of the year, this is a well worn diary of what “was.”  The replacement sits shiny, crisp and at the ready, waiting to be embraced, utilized and made valuable by what will fill it up and define this New Year.

We may feel a bit tattered and stained from life’s experiences.  It is January’s “call to arms” to decide, with determination and focus, how we will heal what is torn, strengthen what is fragile and restore hope and possibility.  In order to meet this challenge of the “New Year” we are asked to “let go” of what has burdened us and honestly evaluate desires.  To meet goals head on January 1^st asks this of us…make peace with our heart, stimulate our mind and fiercely fight to break those patterns that limit and frustrate us.    

The New Year brings shiny potential, crisp beginnings and wisdom gained from the gratitude of what has come before.  As you open the pages on 2011, allow yourself to savor the memory of lessons learned and journeys ventured, that even though a bit tired, perhaps bearing a few more wrinkles, your commitment to finding your treasure and brandishing it proudly is propelling you forward, landing in this New Year ringing in your truth.