Part 1...June slips in on the heels of May, and quite suddenly amidst graduations, end of the school year and travel plans, we are plunked into the deep end of summer!  When the timing of this letter coincided with Independence Day, I recalled this simple, yet enticingly profound quote from the famous poet, Robert Frost. 
                                   Freedom lies in being bold.  

In this season of warmth, restful replenishment and restorative deep breaths, sand between toes and mounds of watermelon to be consumed, “being bold” really doesn’t seem to match the lazy, hazy days of summer.  With kids out of school, we exercise our freedom of sleeping in, loosening the schedule and enjoying life without a stopwatch of “where to next!”  We are free to read that book collecting dust on the nightstand, free to eat frozen yogurt for dinner, free to let the kids wear the same shorts and flip flops day in and day out and free to indulge in a Netflix series, or two J. Summer is a wonderful opportunity to feel the splendid relief of checking “R and R” off your “to be” list.   So go ahead, enjoy scheduling freedoms AND begin to set your sight on being very bold, as this next half of the year awaits and unfolds. 

Loving to interpret another dimension of the concept of freedom and being bold, and at the risk of embellishing Frost’s poetic intention, let’s consider delving into the heart of “emotional” freedom. While exploring this concept of “emotional freedom” with a client recently, I asked her what she would feel like if her inner world was not plagued by guilt and shame.  Without pausing, she calmly replied “I would feel free.”  Yes, she captured it.  Emotional freedom is being relieved of guilt, shame and self-remorse and experiencing contentment and appreciation.  When we frequently struggle with feelings of anger, despair and sadness we are imprisoned.  We become restricted and enslaved in our habits of passivity, fear, clinging to what is the “norm” and believing there is no way out?  How do we break free of self defeating patterns such as the heaviness of shame, the digested pain of guilt and the simmering resentment of being misunderstood or overburdened? 

Stay tuned for Part 2... 

New Year…Welcome 2014

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year.  It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes.  Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions.  Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.  ~G.K. Chesterton      

 

As we gaze out upon the landscape of the New Year, this quotation stimulates some intriguing contemplation.  Instead of it simply being the start of another calendar filled with 365 days, is the purpose of the “New” year to make ourselves “New?”  Can the birth of this year bring about a “new” way of sensing our lives, interacting with others and experiencing our decisions? 

Last year, as I welcomed 2013 in this annual letter, I wrote about “potential” and moving from defining ourselves based on our flaws, but rather seizing the opportunity to realize our possibilities.  The message in the 2014 letter expands this idea…not merely to consider your possibilities, but practice NEW ways of living, sensing and being in your life. 

It is easy to be comfortably entrenched in the sameness of how we feel, and manage, our daily lives.  We may pass the ocean on our way to get groceries without smelling the salty air or marveling at the enormity of the sea.  There doesn’t seem to be much time to smell the roses (or the salt) nor stare at the waves crashing against the sand due to multiple “moving parts” we keep in motion: kids, sports, meals, career, households, tending to aging parents, etc.  If we sense anything, it is how exhausted our souls, hearts, minds and yes, even feet, can become. 

What if this IS the year of starting afresh?  A renewed soul to experience gratitude, a revitalized nose to breathe deeply, energized feet to move differently, widening our vision to see clearly, opening our ears to listen more closely and strengthening our backbones to face challenges we may have been avoiding.

As you consider personal goal setting, take a moment to focus on one, or more, of these areas to be renewed and start afresh.  For example, if you have been struggling with stating the truth to someone in your life, is the goal to explore how to strengthen your backbone?  If you have been lonely for a loving relationship, is the goal to open your eyes, and heart, to see other dimensions of possible mates?  And if you have been feeling mundane and without challenge, is the goal to set your feet on a new path? 

Here’s sending you wishes for a year filled with refreshing the senses, taking leaps with new feet, empowered backbones and renewed fulfillment of hearts and souls.    

The Beauty of Your Story

I find absolute calm when I step on the beach and walk to the water's edge.  I did just that late yesterday afternoon and marveled at nature's transformation.  No longer were the waves filled with laughing children, boogie boards or beach towels colorfully scattered on the sand.  The air was crisp, the marine drape masked the sun and a few random folks were enjoying an autumn stroll. 

I gingerly picked up this pristine shell, no holes or wrinkles, smooth and unbroken.  Laying right next to it, I scooped up this fossil like rock, textured and weathered.  I carried one in each hand and pondered what story each could share? What had each experienced during their seasons at sea?  

With its eroded tunnels and sea life imprints, the rock gave me pause for imagining all sorts of grand tales.  Was it a fragment from a dwelling in the lost city of Atlantis? Or perhaps had spent thousands of years sharing salty terrain with a family of sea turtles off the North Shore of Oahu? 

The shell seemed to not have been penetrated by time, risky geography or nautical battlefields. Bits had not been severed and its simple beauty reminded me of a charmed, maybe even protected life. 

Aren't we much like these treasures from the sea?  So often we put the effort into the appearance of the shell; perfect, in tact, unaffected by the rough seas of our lives.  When in fact, we are the rock.  We have holes in our hearts, we have imprints on our souls.  Yet, what if beauty was measured in the intricacy and strength of the rock? What if self worth, your value, came from not perfecting your shell but instead, treasuring your true self, your story with all of its erosions and blemishes?   

Be the RAVE...

What exactly does being brave mean?  As you know, I LOVE to play with words, and the word RAVE exists within the word "brave."  Well, that got me thinking.  We need to rave about when we are brave.  Doing what we think we cannot do and then DOING it, well that is something to holler from the rooftops and proclaim to the world, "I am BRAVE!" 

Exploring being brave means we face what we fear.  I romantically imagine my Irish ancestors as being fearless.  Living through the 16th and 17th centuries, the famine and battles for power and land.  In Irish Gaelic speak, what do you think "nios fearr" means?  Like myself, you probably went to "no fear."  The Irish are wise, "nios fearr" doesn't mean "no fear" it is translated as "better off."  I bet it came from the old Celtic warriors, who took a final swig of their ale and said “Me lads and lassies, we’re better off dead than sitting here like scared ducks.”  And away they went to conquer more hillsides and moors. 

The core of most therapeutic work comes down to facing our feelings of being less than capable of doing something.  In other words, being able to be brave enough to take a leap into what we assume we cannot do.  Many women admit they fear being alone, not being loved, being rejected or abandoned and fear not being good enough.  Navigating our way through the rough seas of fear can be terrifying.  Yet, it is not about the absence of feeling fear, it is determining that you will be better off if you do what is best, what is right and true, for you.

Sail away Pirate Sister, and go ahead, RAVE about being BRAVE! 

What is a Pirate Sister?

Purposefully 
Initiate
Risks...
Achieving
Treasured 
Essence


What are the qualifications to become a Pirate Sister? First, you have to be female.  Next, you must have a strong, powerful desire to go in search of your unique value. And then, you must be willing to be uncomfortable, face fears and dig deep to find your treasured self, relationships, passion, place and purpose.  To be a Pirate Sister, requires you make a fierce and lasting decision to follow the instinctive tugs on your heart, mind and soul to become more than you have been. 

A Pirate Sister learns how to be brave, very brave.  She is steadfast in her determination to risk turbulent seas of past hurts and to endure storms of conflict and change. Being rigid and inflexible will send her overboard.  Stretching to take ownership of navigating her life, empowers the Pirate Sister against inclement or unforeseen events and outcomes.

Dancing in front of the mirror, holding a hairbrush microphone...Doodling on every notebook in high school...Creating mystical characters for an English essay...Concocting new food combinations for friends to sample...Finishing a course of study...Designing your fantasy wardrobe from scraps of material...Collecting stray animals in your neighborhood...Painting on bedroom walls...Learning a trade...Completing a literary work...

These are some examples of treasures buried, maybe even lost and forgotten, yet waiting to be found when you decide to embark on your journey as a Pirate Sister.  Digging to capture the essence of your creative passions, wishes and talents either neglected or long forgotten in the overgrowth of time, responsibilities and caretaking others.

Hmmm, by reading this you are curious about the journey. Now comes the decision:  Ignore the invitation to set sail? Stand on the dock and contemplate the voyage? Or board the ship and see where the winds of change carry you? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Throw off the bowlines...and discover YOU!

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.                                                      Mark Twain

With each season, I find myself baffled by the passage of time.  I shake my head and say “I can’t believe it is June already!” Many chime in their disbelief, recognizing the rapid ticking of our precious life moments.  Where did the last six months go?  In fact, where did those twenty years go? 

Being a Pisces, I adore water.  From chlorine to sea salt, I can float, body board, dive and splash filling my heart with contented aqua bliss.  As I clicked on quotes to capture this seasonal message, Mark Twain’s philosophical whimsy jumped off the page and sailed right up to me. I admit having to look up the definition of “bowline” and I was quite satisfied with the meaning and how it lent itself to this letter.  A bowline is “a rope used to keep the edge of a sail pulled forward and taut; a knot used for making a loop that will not slip.” (Webster Dictionary) 

A client was caught in knots of stress and limitations. Her stiff, unwavering sails were harshly directed toward “woe is me” as she struggled with unemployment and financial demands.  She compared her circumstance to friends she thought were sailing more smoothly in life. She was stuck on the “deprivation” skiff, and was irritated, fatigued and lamenting the lack of possibilities or progress.  She needed to throw off the bowline! I asked her to imagine sailing from a place of constraining disappointment to exploring her options and from there, dreaming up her desires and discovering how to create experiences. 

Can this summer be the season of loosening the knots of irritation, regret, and distraction? Often, we cling to the familiarity of sailing only in the same fashion as we have always done.  What if you were to “throw off” your knots, leave what is “safe and familiar” and sail toward a different goal or direction?

You see, when we explore rather than lament and dream rather than deteriorate, we relax the emotional strain and begin to discover new ways of experiencing relationships and events.  

Imagine loosening up the predictability of your tension and replacing it with spontaneous creativity, musings and explorations which carry you in a colorful, new direction…now that is not disappointing, that is living!

Explore what you would like to discover more of this summer.  What about more laughter? Golden sunsets?  Family time playing games or taking walks? Home projects with an ice cream sundae as the reward?  More turning the music up and dancing!  When we realize we have bountiful options for our EXPERIENCES, then we are discovering  how rich and plentiful the journey can be.   

 

New Year…Welcome 2013
We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. Ellen Goodman
   

There is a stationary store in a local beachside town which is far too “old school” to have a surveillance camera.  Yet, if it did, it would document my annual visit in early December.  That’s right, once a year I visit this shop to make a solitary purchase; my appointment calendar.  I often contemplate going “digital”, yet every year I find myself strolling into the store and admiring the pristine, fresh pages anticipating plans, schedules and events for a new year.  I am pleasantly “old school” when it comes to pencil and paper scheduling and the tactile satisfaction of holding my “real” calendar.      

Now, sitting at my desk, I have placed the “old” and “new” side by side on my desk.   One is clearly worn, even a bit scrappy with a wrinkled cover and weathered pages with hundreds of scribbles, names, notations, earmarked corners and plenty of experiences documented in shorthand to commemorate 365 days of work, play, chores, joys and challenges.  The other is shiny, with a smooth unblemished cover, crisp white pages comprising an eager canvas awaiting the colors, landscapes, characters and story of the next 365 days.  One book holds the tale of life lived, the other holds POTENTIAL.

This opening quotation cleverly captures the dilemma in personal counseling.  So often, the focus on psychotherapy is on those “flawed” life situations; betrayal of trust in a marriage, financial distress, our less than perfect bodies and attitudes and challenges in overcoming the “flaws” of our childhood.   Maybe, as this quote suggests, the focus needs to shift to “potential.” 

As many of you know, I love definitions.  In taking a peek at the definition of the word “potential” here is its extrapolation: Capable of development into actuality.  WOW, what a fantastic New Year’s motto, “I am capable of developing my dream, plan, attitude and ideas into actuality!”  This fresh, blank calendar book is anticipating stunning, spectacular potential to fill each day, each page of your life, with capabilities of making your dreams come true!

In working with clients over the past 20 years, I am in awe of how the human spirit is CAPABLE of dealing with the “flaws” of life.  Hope in the midst of adversity, healing after heartbreak and insight from loss. So many of my clients find the path to contentment and confidence is through identifying their POTENTIAL, the ability to apply courage, determination and inspiration to develop their greatest self.  As you embark on each page of this New Year, consider your capabilities.  Your strengths, your wisdom attained from life experiences and your creative desires.  Make this a year of diminished flaw seeking and monumental potential building!